Tech One-Liners

I saw a post on Craigslist from a comic asking for a writer. I didn’t reply, but I was inspired to exercise my line-writing chops. My work life centers around tech, so I concentrated on writing tech lines a comic could use.

Here are 2 of my old lines and 8 new ones for your enjoyment:

Some sites just make me want to toss my cookies.

I knew I was Internet addicted when I Googled “My keys” when I was in a rush to get to work.

They say porn drives the Internet; can’t the Internet afford its own car by now?

Parental controls are like potato chips: you can’t have just one and they break easily.

The number of online friends you have is the same number of people that can’t stand you in real life.

Chat rooms are neither for chat or a room. Discuss.

I got a lot of ergonomic suggestions on how to avoid pain from typing; No-one suggested that I get the hell off the Internet.

They say everything is mobile now. You know what isn’t mobile? My car, after I ran it into a tree while texting.

The cops got it all wrong arresting the teenagers for sexting; They should be cracking down on middle-aged people.

There’s all these hyped up “teach your toddler to read” programs; READ? In the age of the Internet, three-year-olds should be taking “How to Look Away -Advanced Techniques.”

I’ll add more if I get inspired.

Got any of your own? Add ’em in the comments!